101 Misconceptions about China

101 Misconceptions about China

While China is indeed becoming more and more accessible to foreigners, particularly those of a free spending nature, China is still, for all intensive purposes, a complete mystery to most foreigner.

As such, it is common for non-Chinese to harbor a great many misconceptions about China. Some of which are the result of general unfamiliarity with this great land, some of which are the result of the unflattering image that the conservative media keeps painting, and some of which are the result of foreigners not eating enough fiber (it's best not to ask about this one).

In order to clear up some of these misconceptions, ACB has written the document which you see before you. So, without a do, but with a fair helping whit and humor (plus some biter irony) please sit back and relax as you read 101 misconceptions about China.

1) Chinese have no right or freedoms

This one is a sad misconception created by NGOs looking for funding and Neo-cons looking to pass laws that are unfavorable to China and Chinese exports.

In reality, the Chinese people actually have a great many right and freedoms. For example, they have the right to remain silent, and the freedom to agree with the government.

2) Chinese do not understand the concept of voting, or why it is important

In actual fact, this couldn't be further from the truth. Everybody in China knows voting was how the winner of “Super Girl Voice” was chosen, and that was important for the economy because China Telecom takes a cut from every text message sent into the show.

3) All Chinese are Kung Fu experts

The idea that all Chinese are all Kung Fu experts is an outmoded racial stereotype dredged up from the minds of silly foreigners who've watched one-too-many Jackie Chan movies. Indeed, many Chinese don't even study Kung Fu. They prefer Taekwondo.

4) Chinese eat Dog

Er..... Okaaaay......this one is actually true, but there are still some misconceptions that need correcting.

Firstly, dog is quite expensive when compared to meats such as pork and chicken. Any foreigner who swears that a stall holder cheapskated them by putting dog instead of pork in their baozi is probably a little too paranoid to survive in China for any length of time. A stall owner would have to be crazy to swap pork for a premium meat like dog. They'd most likely use cardboard instead.

Secondly, dog isn't a main food, it's a seasonal hot food (A food that is believed to keep you warm, not a food that is served hot) mostly eaten, if ever, during the fall and winter. So it's not as if Chinese are chowing down on dog every day of the week.

Thirdly, foreigners eat dog all the time in their own countries, it's no big deal. Back when ACB was a student in the West, working part time uncle's restaurant, barely a week would go by without a cry of ??? emanating from the kitchen, thus indicating 2 things:

1)That oldest cousin had (yet again) been too busy doing “naughty things” with her (secret) foreign boyfriend to go to the butchers.
2)That it was time for ACB to take the kibble and the killing stick out to the back alley in order to rustle up some pork substitute (it saved on meat costs, and it kept the strays from eating out of the garbage).

5) Because China is a Communist country, the Chinese people live off of the back of the government

The Chinese people live off of rice, the Chinese government lives off of the back of the people (Seriously, education, health care - the whole works – comes on a pay as you go basis).

6) There is no need for foreigners to learn Chinese because all Chinese speak English

While most Chinese study English from Grade school through college, this does not mean that they they can converse freely with foreigners. Some have no aptitude for languages, others are taught only the English vocabulary and grammar that they need to pass the CETs and little else.

Additionally, an increasing number of today's Chinese youths have  taken to spending all day playing Worlds or Warcraft in Internet cafes, and thus can barely speak Chinese, let alone English.

7) There are no homosexuals in China

Not true, there are a many homosexuals in China...... but they're all foreigners..... honest.

8) There is no gun ownership in China

A misconception largely based upon comparisons of US and Chinese gun ownership.

In reality, there are a many many guns in China. Most of them are owned by the PLA. Even now ACB can hear them echoing around Tiananman square. CRACK, CRACK, CRACK ....... (eyes glaze) Aunt, Why are they killing them?......are they bad people, aunt?......don't go out there aunt, it's not safe. Please don't go out there....  (hides in corner, rocks back and forth)........  aunt's just sleeping, isn't she uncle?.....isn't she?.....Why won't she wake up uncle?....why? (has to be lead off to a darkened room to spend time petting a large stuffed animal).

9) Rich Chinese businessmen are hot for white women and will sink to great depth to have their wicked way with them

 ot strictly true. Rich Chinese businessmen are hot for anything with legs. In the absence of compliant (lit: suitably drunk) white women, they will often mate with tables, grand pianos, or the legs of unfortunate statues. It is also advisable to keep them away from un-cremated corpses.

10) The white slave trade is rife in China

Not so, traditionally, Chinese men prefer white goods to white women. Microwaves talk less.

11) Most Chinese don't know about Tiananmen Square

Wrong, most Chinese know all about it. Specifically that nothing happened there, especially nothing to do with tanks and students. Just like they know that the moon is made of Tofu, and that fat pink pigs used to fly out of Chairman Mao's backside on pubic holidays.

tags: china  comedy  humor  humour  

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