Down the Rabbit Hole: ACB's Supplementary English-Chinese Dictionary (P1)

As most English speakers in China will appreciate, getting to grips with Chinese language can often be a trying experience. Spoken Chinese is a maze of tone and homonyms that can leave the unsuspecting foreigner on a knife edge between saying what they want to say and creating an international incident, while written Chinese is usually incomprehensible to people more used to using the Latin alphabet. With this said, some foreigner master Chinese quickly, some learn enough to get by, and some don't get much beyond the basics. It's largely depends on their aptitude for languages and the amount of effort that they put in.

For the most part, though, foreigners in urban centers such as Beijing and Shanghai can get by with only basic Chinese due to the number of Chinese whom speak basic English. However, while this may be a boon to new comers, more experienced China hands soon come to realize that the English spoken by many Chinese often carries different meaning to the English spoken by native English speakers. This isn't to say that they speak poor English, just that Chinese often use coded phrases: Saying one thing but meaning something slightly different.

So for your reading pleasure, ACB now presents a beginners guide to some of the most common words and phrases, and their true meanings in Pat 1 of "ACB's Supplementary English Chinese Dictionary (Twilight Zone Edition)" or "What Chinese really mean when they say....."

1) You're a foreigner, you wouldn't understand

I'm Chinese and I don't understand either, but I'm not going to admit it

2) Because China has 5000 years of history

A) Because I can't think of a better reason right now
B) ..... Just because

3) Things are different here

I know that it's messed-up, but I'm too stubborn to admit it

4) In China people think.....

In China the government tells us to think.....

5) It is a local specialty

A) My mother used to cook it, so now I do
B) It's all that will grow round here since they started dumping toxic waste up stream.

6) It's a little spicy

It's banned by 3 separate UN weapons conventions

7) I think that this restaurant is cleaner than that one

A) The food here will give you flaming diarrhoea, the food there will kill you
B) The kitchen staff here have rabis, SARS, and enteric fever, but I will gain face with the owner if I bring foreign customers here

8) It's suitable for vegetarians

It's made with pork

9) It's suitable for vegans

I don't know what "vegan" means, but here is a nice dish containing chicken, pork and beef

10) Do you have a Chinese girlfriend?

My cousin is ugly but of childbearing age

11) Do you have a Chinese boyfriend?

My mate Wang is hot for foreign girls

12) It is not healthy to talk about that

I could be shot for talking about that

13) Education is important

My Grandfather starved to death when the rice harvest failed and I have no intention of doing the same

14) I think that conditions in rural areas can be very terrible some times

It's like the Song dynasty out there, but the bandits all wear party arm-bands

15) These days

Anytime over the last 20 years

16) Tibet is an integral part of China

A) I can name you the leaders of every Chinese dynasty for the last 5000 years, but not one incarnation of the Dali-Lama
B) If you can have outposts all over the world, why shouldn't we.

17) Taiwan is an integral part of China

They said it on CCTV1, so it must be true

18) The situation in China is much better than it used to be

A) The situation in Beijing and Shanghai is much better than it used to be
B) .... unless you're a farmer

19) Can you use chopsticks?

Are you housebroken?

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